


Bloodlines

by Kaori_Nagisa



Series: The Prophet and the Virgin Mary [9]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-20 15:10:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6013378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaori_Nagisa/pseuds/Kaori_Nagisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Against all odds, Nova makes it out of training and is thrust immediately into her first posting aboard the SSV Hong Kong. But what seems an unassuming first assignment soon reveals links she had believed were severed long ago, on that hellish night on Mindoir.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Commander Shepard

Nova wasn’t quite sure what had been more damaging to her nerves: the shuttle trip to Arcturus Station, or boarding onto the SSV _Hong Kong_ and having to greet one of the crew.

She was inclined to believe the latter, as she could hardly keep herself from fidgeting as the man briefly showed her around the command deck. He was a typical picture of an Alliance officer: hardset wide jaw, closely-cropped dark hair, a thick neck that hinted at strong muscles beneath his uniform, honed from decades of training (probably). He’d introduced himself as Operations Chief Sergei Lincoln, but beyond that and his quick explanations of different areas of the command deck, he’d barely spoken a word to her. The standoffish demeanor wasn’t exactly helping calm her anxiety, leaving Nova little choice but to try focusing on taking in her surroundings and memorizing the ways around.

He barely seemed to give her time for that, however, hardly finishing up an explanation of one part of the ship before shuffling her along to another. It was beginning to make her head spin, and Nova couldn’t even bring herself to ask questions for fear of angering him. The man seemed distracted, sometimes pausing to peruse a datapad he carried before moving on. She felt guilty without even really knowing why.

There was a brief moment as they boarded onto the elevator where he finally seemed to stop and turn to her, as if waiting for her to speak. Nova had to force her voice not to shake as she gave brief comments about how nice the ship looked, and tried to ask about any rules or regulations she needed to be aware of while on board. The relatively calm way in which Lincoln answered her and more thoroughly explained on certain things gave her some relief, but it quickly dissipated as they reached the next floor and he started in a brisk walk down the hall, forcing her to fall in line behind him.

They passed some members of the crew through the entire journey, but Nova could barely give a greeting before having to keep up with her impatient guide. She wasn’t too broken up over it, however; she felt more than a little anxious at the thought of meeting a myriad of new people all at once, let alone the CO she was to report to. As far as that went, Chief Lincoln informed her as they made their way through the mess hall that she was expected to report to the command deck in the morning, once the sleep cycle was over. Nova was almost thankful she’d arrived so late in the evening, as it gave her a little time to acclimate herself to the environment of the _Hong Kong_ before playing meet and greet. And more importantly, she hoped to have time to contact Saren.

As Sergei led her down a small hallway towards what he said would be her quarters, Nova finally pushed herself to ask, “A-Are there any limitations to extranet use? Like, um… during the sleep cycle, are we not allowed to send messages or take calls?”

The man didn’t look back, but his voice was harsh enough to make her wince. “You’re allowed, simply don’t bother any crewman who are trying to sleep at the time. No playing loud crap from those clubs on the Citadel or anything like that, et cetera. Doubt you’re the type to do that, but just keep in mind that other people live on this ship.” The way he spoke made her feel like she was being lectured, and it got her to clamp her lips up quickly. “Don’t be stupid, obviously.”

“Yes, sir…”

“Your room is here,” he said, pausing at a closed doorway at the end of the hall. “You’ll be sharing it with First Lieutenant Davis, she’ll probably be along shortly. Otherwise, this is your private quarters, and you’re free to make yourself at home here. Now if there are no questions…?”

Nova opened the door and peeked into the room for a split second before turning back to her guide and trying to give a smile. It was strained, but the operations chief either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “N-No, sir. Thank you for all of your help and your time.”

“Right then. If you’ll excuse me, I have some other matters I must attend to. Keep an eye out for Davis if you need help, and welcome aboard the _Hong Kong_ , lieutenant.” They shared a brief salute, and Lincoln stalked off back down the hall, leaving Nova to finally take a breath. Somehow the atmosphere around the man had felt oppressive.

It wasn’t as bad as she’d been expecting, however. The thought of sharing a room was a little intimidating, but Nova tried to remind herself that it was to be expected aboard a frigate like this - there simply wasn’t enough room to give every single crewmember a personal bunk, and she was already lucky in that she had to share with just a single other officer. Making her way inside, she took note of a wall with a sliding glass door not too far past a small twin bed - beyond she could make out other furniture and a far more sparse-looking space than what she was currently standing in. Along the few shelves in this part of the quarters, there were a few hardback books and pictures of various people whom she assumed were friends or relatives of her bunkmate. There was still a sparsity to the area, as was expected of a military vessel, but Nova was a bit soothed by the cozy decoration this Davis had brought in. Moving past the other woman’s room, she gingerly opened the divider panel and walked into her side, letting the dim glow of the floor lights guide her around the small space. It was certainly larger than her tiny barracks had been at the Alliance base, though still not quite the size of a regular bedroom.

Sighing, Nova set her duffel bag on the floor and looked around, spotting a set of metal drawers across from the bed. It didn’t take long to empty her personal belongings and clothes into them, stuffing the now-empty bag in the bottom drawer after pulling out the last item to unpack. She held the omnitool in her hand for a moment, as if taking comfort merely from the device’s weight in her palm.

Perhaps she did - it was her connection to Saren, the only way she had to speak with him at all while they were separated by light years and differing occupations. And she was feeling more than a little antsy to contact him and provide an update on her life.

The glass panel was only a single portion of a relatively thick wall dividing the quarters apart into two halves, and so Nova felt comfortable enough to quickly slip out of her uniform and into a basic sleeping set consisting only of a regular cropped tank top and soft, baggy slacks. Nothing fancy, but enough so that she wouldn’t feel awkward should her roommate pop in for a visit at some point during the sleep cycle. She hoped that wouldn’t be for a while, even if she did want to meet the other lieutenant on board; Nova wanted a little time to simply relax and let her nerves calm down, as well as some privacy to speak with Saren. He had promised to be around for vidcalls over the next few days. She still felt guilty for having asked it of him, but he hadn’t seemed to mind after she’d explained the reasoning.

There were only a few individuals in the galaxy who made her feel safe and comfortable enough to relax around, and with all the flurry of activity surrounding her trip out to Arcturus Station to settle in to her new home aboard the _Hong Kong_ , Nova definitely needed an anchor to ground her while she adjusted. Saren had become that sort of presence in her life over the past year.

Omnitool in hand, she moved back to the bed and gingerly sat down on it, testing it for a moment and becoming rather surprised at just how soft it was. Perhaps it had been her own naivete, but Nova had been expecting the beds aboard an Alliance vessel to be harder and less comfortable than what one could find on Earth or colonies. She was happy to be proven wrong, though, as she climbed onto the bed fully and crawled up to the headboard. Taking a moment to open up a call link on her omnitool, she set the device down and twisted herself back, grabbing at the pillows and stuffing them up against the headboard in an attempt at making a comfortable seat to lean against.

* * *

 

Saren thought his timing rather convenient as he stepped out of the bathroom only to hear the alert of an incoming vidcall request. As he made his way across the room to his desk, he eyed the clock display, almost surprised at how quickly she was contacting him. Nova had set off from Earth earlier in the day for her new posting, and he hadn’t really been expecting a call at all today, let alone this early. He wasn’t complaining about a chance to speak with his human, though.

Running the rough material of a towel across his face once more, he allowed the connection and saw the monitor spark to life, crackling for a moment before the video faded in - allowing him to see the young biotic turned away, messing with what appeared to be a pillow behind her. The interior of the room was unfamiliar, though he recognized the general architecture as human. She was already settled in on her first starship; he couldn’t help wondering whether she was excited. As he studied her profile for a moment, he instead saw signs of distress. Worrisome, but not unexpected. She didn’t seem to have noticed the call go through, and for a moment Saren stayed quiet, taking the time to look her over in full, subvocals humming pleasantly as his eyes grazed over the girl’s bare midriff and all-too-tight shirt. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought she was intentionally doing this to tempt him.

“Nova,” he said, voice an even rumble as he took his seat and leaned back. The girl gave a start, turning forward immediately with an almost guilty look on her face. Even with the dim lighting in the room, he easily took note of her cheeks flushing. Saren allowed himself a smirk, a single mandible quirking up for a moment before falling back into place against his jaw. She was already apologizing, but he didn’t pay too much attention to the words, calmly waiting for her to finish as he eyed her form appreciatively.

“A-Ah, I’m.. I’m sorry, did I c-catch you at a bad time…?” she finally asked, and he noticed her eyes drifting away as if in embarrassment. The sight made him want to laugh - while she may have always been unintentional with her teasing, he had certainly made the conscious effort to take the call without getting properly dressed first. There was a desire to see her squirm a bit, to feel the same sort of confusing cocktail of emotions she always made him go through when she did the same thing. Privately, Saren also felt pleased by how she reacted to his bare torso. He almost never was told that he was attractive, let alone had someone react in such a way that made it very clear. His human _had_ always been a strange breed.

Crossing his leg and resting an elbow on the chair’s arm, he responded with more than a little suggestiveness in his tone, “Not at all. In fact, I would say this was a _good_ time for you.”

“I… u-um, s-sorry, it’s just you’re, uh… s-so I thought I, um..”

“If it makes you uncomfortable, I can always cover myself.”

He could see the mental battle play out behind her eyes, and revelled in it. There was the sensible part of him that urged him to finish dressing himself and be the proper man that he was, rather than taunting a teenage human girl with his bare upper torso. In all honesty, Saren felt like he should have been listening to that voice more often - he’d been testing his luck far too much over the past few months, barely restraining his thoughts or words from dipping into a darker, more predatory nature. He was becoming no better than a dirty old man taking advantage of a naive girl.

But that other voice told him to keep using her. She seemed so willing to provide him with food for perverse thoughts, after all - why _shouldn’t_ he take advantage?

He wasn’t sure which outcome he would have prefered her to say, but as always, her response simply encouraged his disgusting behavior, “It’s… okay. I-I was just surprised, is all…”

“As you wish, Nova.” He let the thrum of desire lace into his voice, emphasising her name. She was too weak to him, and it only made him want to keep pressing. Satisfied by the spreading redness going across her face, he changed gears and smoothly went into questions about her situation.

“I’m aboard the SSV _Hong Kong_ , w-we’re stationed out at Arcturus. F-For now, at least. I’m in my quarters right now, it, um.. looks like I-I have to share the space with a-another lieutenant, but there’s a w-wall separating the rooms, h-here let me show you…” She briefly disappeared from the screen as she turned her omnitool towards a blank metal wall just a few paces across from her position. As she continued turning the device, Saren was able to get a decent look at the small space she was in, noticing the glass door further down the wall and the sparse furniture littered about the enclosure. It was certainly larger than her barracks had been on Earth, with what appeared to be the same level of privacy.

“And what of this other crewman?”

“N-Not here right now. I was shown around the, um.. the command deck and crew deck earlier by the operations chief, h-he said she’d probably be around later once it gets closer to the sleep cycle…”

He wasn’t sure whether her voice was shaking from nerves brought on by the trip, or from his own actions. Saren had to fight down a smile, trying to assume the former and provide a measure of comfort to her.

“Have you reported to your commanding officer?”

“No, I’m supposed to tomorrow, since it’s so late right now…”

“You sound less than enthusiastic,” he noted. Her visage soon reappeared in the video, and he felt his words ring true upon seeing her expression. “Are you nervous?”

“Y-Yeah… really nervous, honestly. I-I just… I don’t know.”

“Nova, speak freely to me.”

She seemed reluctant, for which Saren felt a measure of annoyance over. But he was a patient man, and had learned how to deal with her, how to slowly push her out of the shell he realized she liked to retreat into. A year’s worth of near-constant contact would accomplish that, he supposed. He allowed a comforting rumble to escape into his voice, once more calling her name and coaxing her eyes back to his.

“I… I still don’t know if I’m… if I’m ready for all of this. I-I’ve been an anxious wreck ever since the ceremony ended, and I… I feel scared. W-What if I mess up, what if I can’t follow orders well, what if - what if I do badly out on the field? This isn’t training anymore, if I mess up, people could… p-people could..” Her words came out like a downpour, and Saren leaned forward, growing concerned by the shimmering in her eyes.

“Calm down, Nova. Look at me,” he ordered, growling a bit when she continued to try avoiding his gaze. He knew what she thought - that he would be angry at her for being weak, for being so quick to tears. A year ago, he would have understood that worry, for he _would_ have been. But there was no excuse for that now, not when she knew him the way she did. Again, he said, “Look at me.”

She finally did, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand as if trying to hide the moisture that was threatening to escape. How many times now had he wished for her presence here, just so he could take them away? She seemed to cry more easily in front of him in recent months, and he felt a measure of regret at knowing how often his own harshness had caused them. But that was simply the nature of their relationship - a connection he still questioned the wisdom of.

“You’re simply tired from the long trip, and overthinking things as you are wont to do. You’ve been meeting new people, new superiors, for an entire year without trouble - this will be no different. And you will do fine on your first field assignment. All of the training you've gone through was meant to prepare you for this, and you passed all of it with flying colors, did you not?” She gave a single nod. “You will be fine. You’re stronger and more resourceful than you give yourself credit for.”

Saren still didn’t understand why he bothered with her. It was enough unlike him to deal with a human, without even going into the way in which he tried to care for her and mentor her. He wasn’t a caretaker. He wasn’t even a sociable person to begin with, having no real friends aside from Nihlus… and Nova. He’d idly thought before that his reasoning was simply self-serving, an attempt to keep her available for a time when he could partake of the pleasures she provided, but even that made little sense to him why he would go to such lengths for sexual gratification. He had more than enough options for relieving himself; he’d made do for years with merely his own hands, and even should he desire more than that, there were numerous whorehouses across the galaxy he could utilize. All of which had human women readily available, if he really was so inclined to one. He didn’t need this single girl.

But he _wanted_ her. He just had yet to figure out why, or in what way.

The hint of a grateful smile was forming on her lips, sending his mind reeling back to that night what felt an eternity ago. The way she’d pulled herself up and kissed him, the feel of her soft flesh running along his rougher cartilage like silk. He’d been reliving that night more often in the past few months, despite the negative emotions still associated to it and the more recent remorse he felt, in light of the revelation of who Nova was.

“I’m sorry… I keep telling myself I-I won’t.. fall apart on you again over the same silly worries, but every time it just…” she was saying, drawing his attention out of his memories and back to her in full. His subvocals thrummed with a comforting undertone, and he could only hope she recognized it by now. He’d tried to teach her a little about it, but it was difficult when she couldn’t _feel_ them vibrating through his chest, only hear the barest hint of them. Yet another reason he had found to detest this distance, to be angered by her enlistment.

“You’re stressed; emotional outbursts are merely to be expected. I’m not bothered, Nova.”

“Thank you, Saren… Sometimes I think I’d have gone crazy by now if you weren’t here. I-I mean, not here here, but.. u-um..”

His mandibles quirked in a small smile.

* * *

 

Her chest felt tight.

There was a measure of peace she took from being able to talk to him like this. Saren had been an anchor for her through the past year, mentoring her and allowing their friendship to grow despite the misgivings he’d harped on almost constantly for the first few months - and even still let slip now and again. After the recent activity of graduating from Alliance training and being thrust towards her first mission with nary a second to rest, finally having a moment alone with the turian was a much-needed respite, and Nova was glad for the time they had together. But still her chest seemed to ache.

She missed him. Regardless of the feelings of infatuation she’d admitted to months prior, the simple fact was she dearly wished to be around him again, to be able to physically reach out and touch him - even if she would never have done so. While Nova was thankful to be able to even speak with him like this, there was always an edge to her happiness while talking to Saren; an inescapable feeling of melancholy.

It never felt like enough. Even as she gazed at him through her holo-screen, her smile felt like it wavered too often. She wondered if he noticed. Saren noticed a lot of things, no matter how hard she tried to hide them.

She wanted to be _with_ him. Not separated by light years and solar systems, forced only to interact through messages and the rare opportunity of a vidcall - actually physically be near the man.

“What are you thinking about, human?” The words were familiar, sending her mind back nearly a year ago. The way he’d stared at her in silence before leaning down to nip at her neck, his entire body eclipsing her own as they sunk themselves deeper against the bed. She tried to fight down the flush brought up by the memory, but as her eyes began grazing across his bare torso, following every angle and curve of his carapace, it only seemed to spread. She thought she heard him chuckle, but it was the way his mandible quirked up that told her he noticed. That only made it worse.

“N-Nothing, just… j-just, um… I’m still a little surprised, i-is all..”

“Surprised by…?”

She was fumbling for an excuse, but it wasn’t exactly a lie when she said, “It’s still a little.. um, odd… t-to see you without that cowl, I m-mean.” Her eyes had focused in on his uncovered crest many times now over the course of the call. It wasn’t unpleasant to look at, simply… strange, almost. She could only recall one other time in which it had been removed, and pointedly avoided thinking on that memory lest her cheeks grow redder.

He was quiet for a moment, mandibles lowered and eyes drifting away for a moment before returning to her. “I apologize if my appearance is more unpleasant to look at than is usual.”

“,,, W-What? Why would you say something like that, Saren..? You’ve always been.. b-been h-handsome, to me. I-I know it may not mean much, coming from a human, b-but..”

He let out a low laugh, more rumble than anything else. “I suppose your species has a different measure of attractiveness than my own. I am not up to most standards.”

“What’s attractive i-in your culture?”

“Turians like long, symmetrical fringes that arc. As you may have noticed, while my fringe is certainly lengthy, it does not curve - merely stands straight outward. I wear the cowl to keep it held down. In addition, my fringe’s spines have no discernable, uniform length. I also have anterior fringes along my mandibles. Those are rare and considered… odd.” Nova thought to speak up, but remained silent as the Spectre paused and leaned his elbows on the desk. “My coloring is also… unpleasant. Monochromatic coloration is generally seen as less attractive.”

“... I-I see.. But you’re so distinctive from most turians I’ve seen, I-I guess I.. I just don’t understand...”

“Every species has differing opinions on what is considered attractive - for their own, as well as towards other species. You do not have to _understand_ , Nova, merely acknowledge that to most turians, I am highly unattractive for various reasons. Were I ever to try and settle down, I would have difficulty finding a wife with just my appearance alone.”

“Any woman would be beyond lucky to have you interested in them..” she found herself mumbling, flushing the moment the words escaped her lips. Luckily Saren hadn’t seemed to have heard her exact words, only cocking his head to the side and asking what she’d said. Not that the outcome was any better, for she felt the blush heating up her entire face as she quickly fumbled in her mind for something to respond with - something a lot less embarrassing. “I-I, um… it’s nothing, I just thought that - it’s just, you’re so… beautiful. I-I just find it hard to see you having trouble, um..”

“... Beautiful?”

 _Shit_. That wasn’t even remotely less embarrassing than what she’d actually said. No, it was definitely worse, actually.

“I-I… I-I mean, um.. you… t-that is to say, you, um..”

Why was she so _stupid_ ? Nova couldn’t believe what she’d said, what had happened to keeping her feelings hidden away? His sudden silence and the way their gazes broke away from one another didn’t do anything to make her feel less idiotic. He probably thought she was childish. Saren had made it perfectly clear that night, what felt so long ago, that nothing would ever happen between them. She had known nothing would come of that one night of drunken sex; he’d made his hatred and disgust at her species clear, and the thought of him ever being willing to date a human was foolish. _He’d made it clear_.

She felt tears threatening to leak out, and angrily willed them away, blinking rapidly to fight the moisture back. For all the progress she had made over the year, for all her accomplishments and her current situation, she was still acting like a stupid child. The same stupid child who had gotten drunk and given herself up to a stranger.

* * *

 

His subvocals rose in worry as he noticed tears pooling in her eyes. For all the girl’s efforts to hide them, Saren still clearly saw the moisture and it bothered him more than her words had - though his mind was certainly still reeling from them.

 _Beautiful_ was not a term he had ever thought he’d hear in reference to himself. Not from his own women, and certainly not from another species.

For all intents and purposes, he should be almost disgusted at hearing it from a human. The same species who had called his people “skull-face”, the ones who not-so-subtly eyed their teeth and claws with wariness even today, nearly twenty years after the Relay 314 incident had been resolved. The same species he remembered torturing; a man strapped to a chair while his brother ran tests; a woman rushing to his side as they released the restraints. The memory was not exactly unpleasant, more so… irritating. He quickly shoved it aside as he called his human’s name.

“I feel as if I’ve upset you again,” he stated flatly, steepling his fingers together in front of him as he leaned closer to the monitor. Given how often he’d seemed to make her cry in recent months, guilt wouldn’t stop pooling into him, regardless of how much he tried to push it down. Nova shook her head, hair fidgeting in that strange way it always did. He still found the strands extremely odd, almost disgusting after having read up on what exactly it was. But with her, it didn’t seem so bad - though he still was annoyed by her having cut it shorter. He wondered if that was some regulation in her military.

“N-No, it… I’m sorry. I’m just.. overthinking. Probably.”

“And what is it you’re overthinking, human?” Somehow, he felt like he knew. It was an odd realization, particularly because even as he thought so, nothing in particular came to the forefront of his mind.

Or he was blocking it out. Saren had been doing that a lot more often recently, especially in regards to her.

“It’s nothing… m-might just be all my nerves, it’s… been a long day. A long week, more like,” she tried to give one of those weird half-smiles humans seemed prone to. Saren allowed his gaze to run over her lips for a moment before finding her eyes again, still half-lowered away from him. Unacceptable.

“Nova, look at me.”

She did as ordered, a satisfying reaction. Somehow, through all their awkward fumbling at ‘friendship’, he’d managed to train her well; she could almost be considered a strange pet. Certainly easier on the eyes than a varren, at least. The thought had his mandible quirking in a grin before he controlled himself and spoke, “You _have_ been through quite a lot more duress than usual these last few days. I’m seeing signs of troubled sleeping.”

“Was hoping that wasn’t noticeable, eheh..” He found the odd way she tugged at her hair somehow endearing. “I wasn’t.. able to get a lot of sleep last night. T-Too wound up about the trip, and… w-well, not much chance to sleep in the shuttle. Too many thoughts, a lot of noise..”

“Yet here you are wasting time with an old man, rather than catching up on your rest. I question the wisdom of your priorities, Nova.”

That gained him a genuine smile. The human rubbed at her eyes, and he noted with pleasure that they were no longer moist. He returned the smile, ignoring the feeling of awkwardness it brought him.

“M-Maybe I should get ready to sleep, y-yeah..”

“That would be advisable.”

Neither of them made a move to end the call. Saren fought down a strange undertone in his subvocals, eyes never straying from the girl’s as they sat in silence for a moment. She seemed just as reluctant as he felt, and as the seconds slipped into minutes, it became maddening. She was going to drive him crazy, one of these days - and he was more than likely going to let her.

“I miss you, Saren…” she finally said, reaching a hand up towards her holo-display. He saw the video waver for a moment as she went too close, but Nova soon pulled back and simply let the hand hang in the air, palm facing outwards towards him. His mandibles twitched, eyes lingering on it for a moment as he digested her words.

For whatever reason, he felt similarly. He missed her too.

The thought didn’t sit well with him.

“You should try to get some sleep, Nova,” he replied softly, avoiding the topic that was threatening to bloom. He wasn’t prepared for that just yet. He didn’t know if he’d ever be. Saren saw her expression crumple further, and mentally cursed at himself for upsetting her. She deserved better than that; the thought was one he never believed he’d hold for a mere human, but here he was, feeling guilty over her. In an effort to make amends, he mirrored her previous motion, raising his hand and hovering it just away from the monitor, pressing it against her own. He allowed a comforting rumble from his subvocals to reach her.

“Will you… w-will you tell me another story tomorrow? I.. feel like I might need it, after meeting with my CO..”

“If you insist. Tomorrow night is fine,” he said, voice barely a whisper.

She bit her lip, eyes drifting away from his for a moment. It felt like an eternity to him before they returned, and she gave him a small smile. “Good night, Saren.”

“Good night, Nova.”

The video soon dispersed, static replacing the image of his human before that too finally stopped, the panel closing itself. Saren’s hand remained against the holo-display for a moment longer, his eyes facing forward yet not quite seeing the scene in front of him. It was another minute before he finally lowered it to the desk, fist clenching as he turned his head and sighed in irritation.

She was a dangerous woman.

* * *

 

Nova felt a lot less sluggish than she’d been the previous morning as she hauled herself out of bed. Despite being on an unfamiliar ship, surrounded by new walls and against a strange bed (though very, _very_ comfy), she’d found herself drifting off to sleep rather easily after having bid goodnight to the Spectre. A smile passed over her lips as she briefly thought of him, even if the melancholic prick followed soon after. But as she checked her omnitool for the time, Nova forced all thoughts of that special turian away, mentally planning out everything she needed to do before it was time to meet her CO on the command deck. A shower was top on the priority list, and definitely a few minutes in front of a mirror; she wanted give off a clean and sharp first impression, knowing she’d be reporting to this person for orders quite often over the next few months - perhaps longer, depending on how long her tour would be.

She dressed quickly, gathering up necessary toiletries before making her way towards the glass door at the far end of her new room. As she walked out, she suddenly stopped as she took in the scene of her roommate's quarters - somehow the fact she was sharing a space with someone had slipped her mind until she was reintroduced to the other side. Her eyes fixed in on a woman sitting at the small desk, one who had looked up as soon as she’d stepped out and was now slowly giving her a bright smile.

“Good morning! I was wondering when you’d be up and about.” The woman stood and made her way over, letting Nova get a better look - starting with noticing how much taller the woman was compared to her. She was probably nearing six feet, with ruddy brown hair tied back in a stiff ponytail and energetic grey eyes. The woman extended a hand to her, which Nova took after a brief moment of shifting her bathroom necessities into her other arm. “You must be Second Lieutenant… Shepard, right? My name is Julia Davis - I’m a lieutenant like yourself.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lieutenant Davis!” Nova responded, partly on instinct, returning the smile her roommate was giving.

“Hey now, no need for formalities while out of sight of the CO! Feel free to call me Julia, so long as you don’t mind me calling you Nova.”

“O-Okay, that sounds fine!”

Nova wasn’t quite sure what she’d expected of the other officers on board after having dealt with Lincoln, but the warm welcome Davis was giving her helped set her mind more at ease. She was glad they weren’t all as rigid as the operations chief.

“Speaking of, you’re meeting with her today, aren’t you?”

“A-Ah, yes. I was actually on my way to, um.. g-get some things done before then. I want to make a good first impression, this is my first assignment..”

Julia’s grin was almost infectious, and she lightly patted Nova on the shoulder before withdrawing. “I’m sure it’ll go fine, the commander is a great woman. Toughest soldier I’ve seen, but she’s very level-headed, always has an open ear for those under her command. She has an open-door policy and actually means it, not like a lot of COs back on Earth. Trust me, you’re not ever going to be in better hands than the commander’s.”

While it didn’t entirely settle her nerves at the impending meeting, Nova was relieved to hear the CO spoken so highly of by someone in the same rank as her. She cocked her head in question though, seeing Davis rub her chin and look at her more closely.

“Sorry, was just… I dunno, can kind of see a resemblance.. hmm,” she murmured, before seeming to realize the uncomfortable look Nova was giving her. “Apologies for my behavior! Was just a little curious, if I’m being honest - see, you and the commander share the same last name.”

“... W-We do..?” Nova asked, feeling her voice almost cracking. Memories were pushing at the edge of her mind, and she was forced to break her gaze away from the other lieutenant for a moment to calm herself. Julia didn’t seem to notice, instead having turned away to walk back to her desk and pick up a datapad.

“Yeah. I guess it isn’t too odd, finding two people with the same last name isn’t exactly rare nowadays, what with humanity having integrated together like they’ve done… still, it’s a little surprising! Hopefully there won’t be too much confusion for you. But anyway, I’ve wasted enough of your time! We’ll talk some more later if you’d like, after you meet Commander Shepard.”

Nova merely nodded, letting the lieutenant turn back to whatever she’d been occupied with before she’d stepped into the room. Silently, she exited their shared space and made her way down to the showers, thankful that no one appeared to be using them just yet.

She needed some time alone to fight off the nightmares.

It was impossible for her to have family this far away from Mindoir. Her parents had spent most of their lives on the planet, or so they’d told her when she was younger. As the hot water spilled out onto her weary shoulders, Nova clenched her fist before wrapping her arms around her bare form, closing her eyes. Fires raged behind them, and it took every ounce of control she’d developed through training not to hear the screams that had accompanied that hellish scene, so many years ago. She didn’t want to remember; she didn’t want to think of the corpses of the other colonists, people she had known since she was born, their dead eyes staring lifelessly up at her as she’d fled into a warehouse.

She bit her lip as she remembered her mother’s voice urging her to run, shoving her away. It felt far away, muddled like she was underwater; she barely remembered the voices of her parents anymore, let alone what they had looked like. Nova wasn’t sure if it was better this way or not.

All she allowed herself to remember from that nightmare was the warm arms that held her against a broad chest as she’d dozed asleep. Her faceless rescuer.

She let the warmth of the shower overtake her, allowing her battered memories to simulate that feeling as she leaned against the heated wall. Even now, years later, she found herself missing that warmth. No one had ever made her feel that safe since Mindoir, not even the kind and loving guardians she’d been given over to by the Alliance.

No, that wasn’t entirely true. Saren had been warm like that. For all his hard ridges and frightening visage, his harsh words against her species and the mocking tone he took when he called her “human”, he had felt… safe. She wondered if that was part of why she missed him so much.

But she grew tired of dwelling on the past that she wanted to keep buried, and soon set about washing herself quickly, finally stepping out a few minutes later and dressing in her clean-pressed and fresh Alliance uniform. As she looked herself over in the mirror, she couldn’t help feeling an equal pang of pride and worry surge through her. It was still hard to believe she’d made it through training, was actually standing on her first real starship, preparing to meet her first actual commanding officer, ready to begin her first real tour of duty. Nova found herself standing just a bit straighter, stance stiffening at attention as she gave a brisk salute to herself. _Practice for meeting the commander_ , she told herself. She still wasn’t sure how different protocol was between training and the real thing, but as someone at the base had mentioned “just salute anything you can’t eat or kill.” She could only hope her nerves wouldn’t make her mess up something as basic as a salute. 

***** 

Nova approached the bridge nervously, unconsciously keeping her eyes lowered even as she tried to stand straight and walk with confidence like what she’d seen from other officers. She paused just outside the door to the conference and communications room, taking a moment to breathe deeply in an effort to settle her anxiety. This was her first defining moment on the _Hong Kong_ ; it was time to make the best impression she possibly could to her CO.

Stepping into the room, her eyes quickly locked in on the silhouette of a woman leaned against the holo-display unit, a datapad in her hands. Just from a quick look-over, she appeared to be taller than Nova, but not by much - and her build was less imposing than Nova had been expecting. As the woman shifted slightly, still engrossed in whatever she was reading, her movements and build brought to mind that of one of Earth’s wild cats - lithe and slim, but with a noticeable power behind the unassuming form. As Nova drew closer, she could make out a shock of red hair, cut just above the shoulder and styled smoothly. Finally coming to a standstill, Nova took in another quick breath, quietly as she could, fixing her posture and lifting her eyes as she did so.

“M-Ma’am, Commander Nova Shepard reporting- I-I mean, um, S-Second Lieutenant Shepard, reporting for duty!”

Great, she was already screwing up. Nova felt her face heat up in embarrassment at her mistake, and more so when she heard a light chuckle from the woman as she turned to meet her gaze.

“At ease, lieutenant,” she said, voice calm but with a distinct ring of authority that had Nova scrambling into the standard posture, focusing a little too much on positioning her feet at shoulder width apart. Another light chuckle accompanied the woman’s further words, “No need to be nervous.”  
  
“A-Apologies, ma’am. I-I’m… new to the Alliance. This is my first posting.”

“So I’ve read. Fresh out of basic, if I’m not mistaken?”

“Y-Yes, ma’am. The graduation c-ceremony was only a week ago..” Nova had thought she’d struggle to meet her CO’s gaze, but that worry seemed pointless now as she could hardly look _away_ from the woman’s eyes. They were a fascinating lavender hue, seemingly shifting in intensity as the light reflected off them with each minor movement Commander Shepard made. She’d never seen anything quite like them, and for a moment had to wonder if they were natural - lavender eyes had always been a genetic rarity in humans, and nearly unheard of in the past forty years since the Human Systems Alliance was formed. To see someone with them felt almost humbling - or perhaps Nova was simply in awe of the woman’s imposing presence.

“How did you like training, lieutenant? Do you feel as if you got anything worthwhile out of it?”

“Yes, I… they covered many things in t-training, and I feel like I’ve, um.. come out stronger because of it, ma’am.”

“Far as I’ve read, you scored top marks in every area. Very impressive; only a few others from your graduating class got even a tenth of your scores.” Commander Shepard paused to give a friendly smile, which Nova felt herself returning even as she shrunk with embarrassment over the woman’s kind words. “I have high hopes for you, lieutenant, and I’m eager to see what you can do. But don’t take that as though I’ll be scrutinizing you every step of the way! I’m just hoping to see you blossom while serving here on the _Hong Kong_.”

“I… I-I’ll do my best not to disappoint you, Commander!”

Shepard reached out and laid a friendly hand on her shoulder, patting it for a moment before withdrawing and walking away from the holo-display unit. Nova watched her as she did so, anxious and still utterly entranced by the graceful way the woman moved. The commander was so utterly unlike any Alliance officer Nova had ever met over the last ten years, yet exuded more power and authority than even many of her trainers back at the base.

“What was biotics training like? I admit, I don’t know much about that - not a biotic myself,” she finally said, turning back around and crossing her arms.

“It.. it was hard at first. I don’t, um… or well, I _didn’t_ particularly... like using my biotics until training, s-so I struggled during the first few weeks - could h-hardly even lift a simple glass of water, let alone a crate for cover. It was mostly my concentration, I, uh… had trouble creating and holding mass effect fields while under fire..”

“And now?”

“I… a f-friend gave me some advice, and I tried to follow that s-so I could improve. It took a little practice, but I managed it after a while and… everything felt a little easier afterwards. I-I don’t think I’m that good even still, I can’t do some of the more… rigorous moves, like reaving, b-but… I-I hope I can do well enough to fully support a squad on the field!” That was a worry that still nagged at her more than anything; there was a deeply-rooted fear of choking while in actual combat, and someone getting hurt - or worse - because she couldn’t manage to produce enough energy for something as simple as a shield. Saren had spent a lot of time attempting to negate any wild paranoia she’d held, but as the reality of her situation set in on her, Nova felt all of the anxiety coming back. Perhaps having seen it in her eyes, Commander Shepard came closer and patted her again.

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine, lieutenant. And you’ll still have plenty of time to practice. The _Hong Kong_ is going to be docked at Arcturus for another day or so, then after that we’ll be heading out to one of our systems just past Inner Council space. Doubt we’ll be seeing any real action for a while, unless we hit on a distress signal out close to the Traverse.”

“I-I see.. m-may I ask why we’re remaining at Arcturus?”

“Oh, nothing major. Just getting some drive core tuning before we set off again.” The woman moved past Nova again, returning to the holo-display control and leaning against the railing surrounding the outer edge of the circular room. Her smile was gone, but Nova still felt at ease with the gentle look in her eye. “To that end, my first order for you is to get to know the rest of the crew. You’ve already met our operations chief, I’ve heard, and I’d assume by now you’ve met Davis too. If you’re nervous or afraid you might lose your way around the ship, have her come with you while you do some meet-and-greet. And if you’d like, feel free to drop by my office later on, there are a few more things I want to discuss with you after I get some business taken care of on the station. For now, you’re dismissed.”

Nova snapped off a salute at the word, smoother than she had anticipated she would. “Yes ma’am!”

* * *

 

Even as anxiety ate away at her, Nova managed to keep a bright smile on her face as she slowly made her way through the ship, introducing herself to any crewmembers she hadn’t passed by while being shown around by the operations chief. It was a day-long process, her nerves typically forcing her into a quiet corner of the ship for a moment in order to adjust herself - as well as look through her omnitool to see if Saren had left her any messages. It had become habitual for her since she’d started basic training, and was now as much a comfort blanket as anything else. Most of the time it was like now, with no unread messages sitting in her mail. But that rarely detracted from the calming effect the action, as well as the _thought_ , had on her.

Halfway through her walk along the crew deck, she bumped into Julia Davis, who greeted her with a warm smile and a wave, crossing the few steps between them quickly with her long legs and coming to take up position shoulder to shoulder with Nova.

“How did the meeting with the commander go?” she asked, motioning for Nova to keep moving and falling in step with her as they both headed for the elevator down to the cargo bay.

“Okay enough, I-I guess.. I kind of flubbed on my initial greeting, but… I guess better just that one thing than every word I spoke?”

“What was your impression of her?”

Julia seemed to be eyeing her with a level of expectation. Nova looked away from her, focusing for a moment on the elevator door steadily growing closer as they walked, trying to collect her thoughts in a coherent manner. She felt it nearly impossible to properly convey everything she was thinking, but slowly she began with, “She was… not what I expected. I-I know you said she’s level-headed and everything, and I did see that. But, well it was mostly her a-appearance I wasn’t expecting, she… she’s very beautiful. I-I don’t know what I was thinking she’d look like, e-exactly, but I guess just… not like that?”

Davis laughed. It was a clear, crisp sound, and Nova couldn’t help smiling in response.

“She had such a strong… _aura_ to her, though. I-I guess that’s what you’d call it? She felt powerful and.. so controlled. Like she’d seen and done more than anyone ever has, and like she was… born to lead. To command.. It was humbling to be in her presence, I-I think..”

“Yeah, that tends to happen to a lot of people. Commander Shepard is one of the best soldiers in the Alliance, tough as nails and always has the good of the team on her mind. Did you know she survived Akuze?”

She wasn’t even sure what Akuze was, beyond a vague recalling of the word being thrown around during basic by a few of the guys. Nova had a feeling they had been going on about a movie, though. As the two of them boarded the elevator and Julia hit the button for the cargo bay, Nova voiced her lack of knowledge. Davis looked at her in surprise, as if unable to believe she’d never heard of Akuze before.

“Akuze is one of our colonies, out on the edges of Alliance space. Back in 2177, communications with the colony went dark and a recon team was sent out to investigate. They got ambushed by thresher maws - do you know what those are?” Upon a shake of her head, Julia’s expression morphed into one of amusement before her features became hard-set as she leaned against the wall. “Never seen one myself, but I’ve heard they’re nasty. Big centipede-like things, as huge as a skyscraper and thicker than a train, travel underground and pull their prey in to crush them. Don’t know how many of them there were on Akuze, but it was enough to wipe out an entire squad. Nearly fifty marines, all killed to the last man - except for one survivor.”

“... The commander went through something that horrible..?”

“Yeah. She was the only one to get out of that hellhole alive. Watched her whole unit die in front of her, and all she got was a promotion and a few months of psych leave before they dropped her back into the thick of things.”

Nova wasn’t going to claim understanding, even as she felt a sense of empathy for the commander. While there were parallels to be drawn between the events of Akuze and what happened on Mindoir so many years ago, Nova’s suffering was distinct in that she had lived through it. She had seen her fellow colonists - people she had known her entire life, many of whom she had played with on a daily basis - captured and tortured before being loaded onto a slaver ship. She had seen the militia and those who refused to surrender gunned down like vermin without a second though, their bodies left to rot where they fell as the batarians had walked over them towards the next victim. So many people she had known since infancy had their memories tainted in her mind by the screams, by the acrid smell of smoke and charred bodies. All she could remember of her parents was her mother begging her to run away. The only thing she _allowed_ herself to remember of that night was the hazy figure of the man who had rescued her.

Akuze was far away. Fantastical, something she would have easily thought was just the plot of some action movie that had hit it big within the galaxy. She felt for the commander, but could not claim to understand the sort of horrors she must have endured that night. The story of Akuze as Julia told it was simply unsettling, and nothing more.

“I couldn’t have returned to this sort of life, if I had gone through that..” she murmured, the only comment she could bring herself to say about the revelation. The elevator finally came to a stop, doors sliding open the reveal the high ceiling and wide space of the cargo hold to them. Seemingly done speaking about the subject of Akuze and Commander Shepard, Julia started walking again, waving down a couple of crewmembers off to the side as Nova fell in step behind her.

Commander Shepard was stronger than she’d ever be, she realized. The thought brought a measure of awe to her, making her already-impressed opinion of the woman grow further. Nova felt unworthy to have been in the presence of such a dauntless figure - not when she still questioned, even now, if she really wanted to be here in the Alliance.

* * *

 

She had almost chickened out on seeing the commander again, reciting the woman’s words over and over in her mind as she’d started to make her way back to her quarters.

 _And if you’d like, feel free to drop by my office later on_ , she’d said. It sounded optional, something that she wouldn’t hold Nova to if she’d decided to head straight to bed after the day cycle ended. But as Nova had gotten closer to her and Julia’s shared room, she kept thinking on the story she’d been told, and of the way Commander Shepard had spoken to her earlier. The woman commanded respect without even trying, to the point Nova had felt pathetic for trying to avoid speaking to her again and promptly turned from her path, instead making a beeline for the woman’s office. Now she stood nervously outside the door, going over the proper greeting in her head for what felt like the thousandth time. She didn’t want to make a fool of herself the way she’d done earlier.

Finally sighing and steeling her nerves, Nova touched the holo-display in the center of the doorway, the mechanism sliding easily and opening up the room to her eyes. She took two tentative steps over the threshold, gaze quickly scanning over the space before coming to rest on the figure of Commander Shepard, sitting at her desk in front of a monitor. Her eyes lifted upon the sound of Nova’s entrance, a comforting smile finding its way to her full lips as she stood up expectantly.

Nova snapped off a salute as she said, “Good evening, Commander Shepard. You asked to speak with me?”

“At ease, lieutenant. Come over here, have a seat.” Shepard motioned towards a free chair across the desk, which Nova moved towards and sat down in after a moment’s hesitation. She said a quick thanks, to which the commander merely waved at. “Can I get you anything, lieutenant? Water, coffee?”

“N-No ma’am, but thank you. Y-You wanted to see me this evening, Commander?”

“I did. I didn’t have as much time as I’d have liked earlier, had gotten bugged about meeting with the tech crew on Arcturus for some clarification on a few requests our requisitions officer made. I thought we could spend some time tonight to get to know one another a little better, if you have nothing planned.”

“I-I see. What would you like to know, ma’am?”

Shepard returned to her own seat, leaning back in the chair and powering down the monitor’s display to better meet Nova’s gaze. Once more, Nova found herself caught up in staring at the woman’s eyes, marvelling at how deeply the hue of purple had become while in more neutral lighting. Overall, between the well-kept red hair and those gorgeous eyes, Commander Shepard was one of the prettiest women Nova had ever met, with a memorable appearance she’d rarely seen anywhere else. The woman’s ethnicity couldn’t even be placed, though she thought she saw hints of Asian features paired with typical Caucasian ones. With the mixing of different ethnicities back on Earth over the last few centuries, it had become common for humans to carry a myriad of different racial characteristics, but certain traits had become more commonplace over time - black hair and dark brown eyes being major ones. With the commander’s genetically recessive traits, she stood out far more from the other crewmembers Nova had met.

The commander reached over to a datapad laying on the desk, taking it in hand and looking over the contents for a moment before returning her attention to Nova. “Have you had a chance to meet any more of the crew today?”

“Y-Yes ma’am, most of them I think.. L-Lieutenant Davis showed me around some today as well.”

“So you and Davis are getting along, that’s good. She’s a good woman, and a fine soldier - I’ve had her on point plenty of times out in the field. Not a lot of people I can trust to watch the backs of me and my crew as well as her.”

“She’s been.. r-really nice to me, I’m glad to be sharing a room with her.”

“You’re more than likely going to be doing your first few field missions with her as well. I hope you two continue to get along, it’ll help coordination in the long run. And you could use a few friends to help acclimate yourself to the _Hong Kong_ ,” Shepard said, smiling. Nova nodded, understanding her words and agreeing with both assessments. With her anxiety towards field missions, having someone she trusted and relied on outside of combat at her back while in the heat of things would help morale.

“I’ve been thinking of some light training missions we could do with you, once we’re off Arcturus and closer to some of our colony worlds. Nothing major, just a few ground runs here and there to get you used to the procedures, give you a feel for everything. Sound good, lieutenant?”

“Y-Yes! I’d really appreciate it, if it isn’t much trouble.. er, m-ma’am. I-I want to be able to support the team as best I can…”

“That’s what I thought. Besides, we have a few rookies signed on who could also use the experience in a low-danger scenario, so it won’t be any trouble. But we’ll talk further about it when we get to that stage.”

Nova tried to settle back into her chair as silence descended on them for a moment. She was uncomfortable, though it was less out of awkwardness and more due to the fact she felt so insignificant in the woman’s presence, even as Shepard made every effort to be welcoming to her. It felt even more difficult now than before, with the story of Akuze ringing in her head. It was hard to imagine the smiling, carefree lady across from her being the only surviving member of an entire platoon; a woman who likely had been friends with a great number of marines, who for all anyone was aware may have been in love with someone in the unit, and who was utterly unable to save any of them while barely surviving an ordeal that took the lives of so many others. Nova had learned, in the ten years since Mindoir, that many survivors carried scars - not always physical ones, but scars that were visible even so. A haunted look in their eyes, a weary profile that was a testament to the many sleepless nights spent thrashing about in the covers, screaming for people who could no longer hear them.

Nova had been lucky enough to block out much of that night, and had ten years to cope with the losses and horrors she had experienced on Mindoir. Commander Shepard went through Akuze only three years ago. It was a wonder how she could still remain so strong, appear so… _normal_ \- as if the nightmare she lived had never happened.

“C-Commander, if I may..?”

Shepard nodded her assent, saying, “Speak freely, lieutenant.”

“I-I just… um, want.. want to say that it’s an honor to be s-serving here. I’m really nervous, and if I may be honest, ma’am, I’m… scared about screwing up and causing one of the crew to get hurt, or worse.. But more than that, I’m realizing just how humbling it is to finally be part of the Alliance, to be meeting all these wonderful people who.. who all have their own stories to tell about how they got to this point of their life. And there’s also you, Commander - I… feel very happy to have met you, and greatly look forward to serving with you while here on the _Hong Kong_. I’ve… not had long enough to get to know you personally, but between meeting you earlier this morning, and all the stories and kind words the crew has about you, I’m eager to prove myself to you. I want to be part of this crew, to support you and everyone else to the best of my abilities.” She felt herself flushing at her own boldness, and it only seemed to spread as she saw the woman’s eyes widen ever so slightly, giving way to a warm smile. Undaunted by her own feelings, Nova continued, “S-So I just… um.. w-want to thank you, Commander. F-For letting me become part of the crew, and allowing me this chance to truly begin my career h-here in the Alliance. I’m honored to serve, ma’am.”

She stood briefly to give a respectful salute, her face still heated beyond measure. Perhaps she was coming on too strongly, or thanking the woman too fast when not even a full day had passed since she’d boarded the frigate. But as Shepard rose to return the salute, Nova felt her chest swell with pride, and a promise of things to come. This was truly the beginning for her, the first step in a new chapter of her life.

“I’m just a soldier, lieutenant, but your kindness is appreciated. And for what it’s worth, I think I speak for the crew when I say we’re all glad to have you aboard.” The commander lowered her arm, moving away from the desk to make a short trip over to a pitcher of water sitting on a bedside table. As she poured a glass, she continued, “I’d like to talk about something else now, if you don’t mind. I have a few questions concerning your family..”

“M-My.. family, ma’am?” Nova asked, sheepishly sitting back down. Shepard poured a second glass, remaining quiet for as long as it took her to cross back over to the desk and hand her one of them. In no position to deny it at this point, Nova graciously took the glass of water and sipped it, feeling refreshed by the cool liquid running down her throat.

“It says in your file that you were taken care of by Alliance personnel since you were a child, Admiral Gentry Mikhailovich and retired Captain Alissa Sanders?”

“That’s… c-correct, ma’am. They’ve been my guardians s-since I was eight, and I lived with them on Earth, in France.”

“Your parents were… taken by a batarian slaver group?”

“... Y-Yes ma’am. When I had just turned eight years old, our… o-our colony was..” Nova bit her lip, the memories surfacing in a hail of gunfire that nearly deafened her just from the recollection. Her hand clenched around the glass, the other tugging at the hem of her uniform for a moment as she tried to fight the memory back down. As her eyes returned to the commander’s, she saw something in them she hadn’t entirely expected, but should have been - sympathy, deep and quiet, but very much there and directed entirely towards her.

“I’m sorry, lieutenant. If this is difficult for you to talk about, I won’t push the subject-”

“N-No, it’s… I’ve had ten years to cope with what happened, ma’am. It’s no trouble.”

“.... If you’re sure. But if you feel uncomfortable, feel free to drop it.”

“I-I’ll be sure to warn you, commander..”

Shepard nodded once, taking her own sip of water before settling herself back into the seat across from Nova. There was a pause, with the commander’s eyes drifting away for a moment as if in deep thought.

“Do you remember much about your parents, lieutenant?”

“... N-Not really. The doctors said it was.. was probably due to the trauma, b-but I can’t really remember what they looked like.. or anything about my life before that night. I want to believe my mother loved me, though - she was.. she was the one who told me to run, when we heard the screaming start.. The last memory I have of them is just.. m-mom shoving me towards the ventilation shaft that was linked to the exterior of our home, w-while she and dad… grabbed their weapons, I think. I heard dad telling her something, but.. I don’t know what, anymore.”

Nova could scarcely remember her frantic crawling through the vents, unable to see anything and with no sounds to accompany her flight beyond the distant ring of gunfire. She knew she had been scared - terrified of what was happening, confused and lost without the guidance of her parents. It was a wonder she’d ever made it to the warehouse she’d taken refuge in.

“I don’t remember my parents either. But I suppose.. at least you had some time with yours, even if things ended up like they did. I’m sorry that what happened has tainted their memory, though. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you.”

“No worse than.. than what happened to you on Akuze, I think. W-With all due respect, commander..”

The woman let out a hollow laugh, the sound coming out more as a bark than anything. “I suppose not. What do you know about Akuze, lieutenant?”

“I… didn’t really know anything until a little while ago, if I’m being honest, ma’am. The only time I had heard of Akuze was back in basic, but I had thought it was some movie a few of the guys were going on about…”

“To be fair, it is. Or rather, they made a movie _based_ on what happened. And here I don’t even get any of the royalties from the vid, imagine.”

She hadn’t known that, and the new knowledge only seemed to make Nova more upset. “That’s terrible..” she whispered, shaking her head. Commander Shepard seemed unfazed, and once again Nova wondered how the woman could be so _calm_ only three short years after the event.

“Akuze isn’t something I enjoy remembering,” Shepard continued with a shrug. “I lost a lot of friends that day. Too many good men and women died for lack of intel - both marines and colonists alike. We still don’t know how those thresher maws got there, but as far as I’ve heard they’ve been cleared out by now. Akuze is rebuilding… it’s only a shame so many had to die for that to happen.”

“... How do you do it, commander?”

“Hm? Do what?”

Nova shook her head again, dropping her gaze to the glass of water in her hands. It was difficult to put her thoughts in order, even as she knew what she had to say. She wondered if she should even give voice to any of it, as the further she reflected on it, the more she realized the question was more about herself, and her inability to truly face what had happened to her colony. Ten years had given her time to cope, but it had not healed the emotional scars that Mindoir had placed on her mind.

“How were you able to continue on like you did… t-to come back to the Alliance after witnessing something so terrible? To see your entire unit wiped out, all those people dying in front of you.. and only three years ago, barely enough time to move past something like that.. You seem so.. so…”

“Calm? Sane?”

“I-I didn’t mean to… n-no, not..”

“It’s alright, lieutenant,” the woman said with a small chuckle. Nova risked a glance upwards, taken aback by the calm expression on her CO’s face. “I won’t lie to you, those first few months were a battle… I would have contemplated suicide if it weren’t for the fact that would have rendered all those deaths, all those _sacrifices_ , meaningless. I thought for days about whether I wanted to go back to that life. I’d seen my fair share of corpses by that point in my career - on both sides of the fence. I thought I was used to the sight, had come to terms with the concept that any of us could die at any moment, that every fight we got dropped into could be our last… that every bullet we ever dodged could be _the one_.”

Nova watched as the woman stood up, glass still in hand as she walked across the room to the small viewport in the far wall. Outside, Arcturus Station could be seen, lights flickering across the surface of the port like fireflies in the cold darkness of space. The commander leaned against the window, staring out it for what felt an eternity.

“I guess after Akuze, I realized I still had a ways to go before I was really ready for any eventuality. So after I took the recommended time off for psychotherapy and trauma recovery, I decided I needed to do better. I needed to become a better soldier, so that something like that would never happen again. And more than anything, I suppose I just… couldn’t abandon the Alliance after one setback, as horrifying as it was. I’d never had anywhere to belong before I enlisted. It just didn’t seem right, to me or to the friends I lost that day, to throw this all away.”

She turned back at that, giving a weak smile. Nova couldn’t bring herself to say anything. The commander’s words replayed over in her mind, making perfect sense in context yet still seeming far too calm, too… distanced. She wondered whether Shepard still thought of Akuze even now, still woke up from nightmares of that time. People like them, who had experienced so much trauma, rarely ever stopped carrying the source with them. It was only in the last couple of years that Nova had finally become able to get a full night’s rest without waking up screaming as she remembered batarians descending on Mindoir.

Commander Shepard was strong. For all she knew, the woman was hurting even now, hiding her pain behind a perfected mask of composure and authority. Nova would never be that strong; she couldn’t imagine being able to keep going, to keep fighting, after experiencing something so horrifying.

But she so desperately hoped she could be, one day.

 


	2. History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with one scene in here, but I can't think of how to improve on it without making it feel extremely forced by doing so, so I'm leaving it as is. Please enjoy!

* * *

 

_3 months later_

 

The _Hong Kong_ was turning out to be a relatively quiet posting, not that Nova was complaining about the fact. Somehow there was still plenty to do aboard the ship to occupy her time with, though as both Julia and the commander kept telling her, none of it was necessary. Still, Nova felt better applying herself to tasks, even the most mundane ones like ferrying supplies back and forth from maintenance. She wanted to assist in any way she could, for it not only allowed her to dig her own space out within the crew, but continue getting to know the individuals she was now serving with. And with their primary mission being to simply follow a patrol route between a couple different solar systems within the nebula, there wasn’t much else to do besides sit in her room.

She prefered this. Had things been different with Saren, where he wasn’t having to be gone for days or even weeks on end, she may have been satisfied simply curling up in bed all day long, sending messages back and forth or even sharing vidcalls. But setting herself to task after task every day allowed a measure of peace, a way to keep her mind from thinking too much about the long span of time where she’d hear nothing from the Spectre. It was with this in mind that she always found something to do, making it clear to the crew early on that if they ever needed a helping hand, she would be more than happy to assist. It was a great way to make friends, as well, and in just a few short months, Nova knew the entire crew on a first name basis, easily able to start a conversation with anyone - even the more distant and rough sorts like the operations chief and navigational personnel. And most importantly, she had already proven herself a caring and eager confidant to the commander.

Commander Shepard had proven time and again that she most definitely was as Davis had described: a kind woman, tough and authoritative but always giving an ear to her crew. Open door policy didn’t even begin to describe the way she seamlessly integrated herself with the rest of the _Hong Kong_ , appearing to outsiders as no more than another soldier. Nova counted herself lucky to have been assigned to such a friendly commanding officer, and humbled by the woman’s attentions. She wouldn’t have called herself a favorite, per say, but perhaps after being  so used to a certain level of distance between herself and those who outranked her, Nova enjoyed being able to talk so easily - and freely - with the commander. Despite her shy nature, she’d always been a sociable person, and so the lack of hierarchical dichotomy between herself and her superior officer was rather relieving. She felt as if she could be _herself_ around the woman, rather than Second Lieutenant Nova Shepard. It did wonders for her confidence while aboard the frigate.

As she exited the elevator, laden with a box full of broken spare parts the maintenance crew had wanted disposed of, Nova was surprised to see Corona waving to her from further down the hall. Yes, she’d even gotten onto a first name basis with the woman - while in private, of course, as protocol still dictated the use of ranking when in the presence of other crewmen. Nova approached her with a smile, feeling the instinctive need to salute but being unable to with such a heavy load weighing her down.

“Good afternoon, commander! Is there anything I can help with?” she said instead, nodding her head in deference for lack of ability to salute.

Corona let out a light chuckle, lowering the datapad she had been looking over and fixing Nova with her full attention. “Looks to me like you’re already full up on being helpful, lieutenant. What have you got there?”

“Broken parts the guys down in maintenance don’t have any use for. They asked if I’d mind taking it up to the trash compactor, to get them out of the way before someone, um… tripped on them, or something like that.”

“I see,” the commander replied, taking a quick look at the box’s contents before moving to the side and motioning with her head for Nova to continue on.

Corona fell in step beside her as they headed into the starboard cargo area. The silence between them remained even as Nova set the box down and began carefully tossing the small pieces into the metal recycling chute, but it was a comfortable quiet broken only by the sound of the spare parts clanging against the walls of the compactor on their way down. Nova was glad to no longer feel awkward during moments like these, her initial meetings with the woman having seemed a lifetime ago - as did the memories of her shyness. Looking back on them now, she hardly understood why she had been so nervous.

“Commander, what is it you’re always reading on your datapad?” she asked, the thought popping in her mind seemingly out of the blue. It felt nice to be able to drop a bit of protocol without fear of reprimand, and she dusted her hands off as she finished tossing the last of the box’s contents away. Gazing upwards at the woman, she saw Corona smile and lean against the wall.

“Mostly just updates from Alliance Command, a few requisition orders here and there. General stuff I need to keep track of, as captain of the ship. Why the sudden interest, Nova?”

“No reason, ma’am. I was just curious, you always seem to have it with you any time I see you!”

Nova stood up, taking her eyes away from the commander long enough to find the compactor button and press it. There was a slight whirring sound and the distinct crunch of metal being bent and crushed, before finally silence returned to the room. Satisfied, the younger woman bent down to pick up the now much lighter box, swinging it easily as she turned and smiled at Corona.

“Well, I’m all done here. I think I’ll head back down to the engine room and see if they need anything else. I’ll see you around, ma’am!” she said, saluting and moving past the woman to head back out into the hall. She heard her name called, however, and turned back to see Shepard moving towards her with an unusual expression. Before Nova could even examine it further, it dropped back into one of the woman’s usual smiles. Odd, had she imagined it?

“If you don’t mind, lieutenant, I’d like to meet you in the mess hall later to chat for a bit. Only if you have the time between any other errands the boys down below have you doing, of course.”

“Oh, of course, commander. I can join you now, if you need!”

“Don’t worry about it, go do what you were going to. You know where to find me if you get some free time, lieutenant.” With that, the woman patted her shoulder as she passed by, moving gracefully into the hall and not sparing a look back as Nova stood there for a moment longer, feeling a bit confused. She soon shrugged it off, taking the box under her arm as she continued on her way back towards the elevator.

*****

Nova waved to the maintenance crew as she headed out of the engine room, feeling a tad bit better now that she knew they didn’t need any more assistance. While she would have been more than happy to help out, the commander’s desire to speak was weighing on her mind and she didn’t want to keep her waiting. It was for this reason that she neglected to stop and chat up some of the enlisted members as she passed them by during her walk to the elevator. As they looked over at her, she spared a wave and a smile, exchanging just a few words of greeting before focusing back on her path. Thankfully, she knew they wouldn’t mind the lack of conversation - everyone always had somewhere to be, and it wasn’t unusual for the crew to merely pass by one another in silence on their way to and from assignments. The ship was a close-knit group, but everyone was allowed their space when needed.

Boarding the elevator, it was a short ride for Nova from the lowest level of the ship to halfway inside the frigate. She soon stepped out onto the crew deck, turning down the hall and making her way a little more quickly to the mess hall. She waved at the mess sergeant, who was idly cleaning the counter with what surprisingly looked to be a _clean_ rag, for once; he returned it with a shake of his head and a lopsided smile, before promptly returning his attentions to large stain. Nova, too, turned away from the man and scanned over the area, her eyes finally coming to rest on the commander’s back. She seemed utterly engrossed in a datapad. Again.

Curious, Nova quietly moved towards the woman, ever so slightly peeking around her shoulder as she got closer. It was hard to make out at first, but she thought it looked like some sort of online magazine. Stepping closer, she realized she was right, but utterly unprepared for what she saw on the screen. Was that a turian without any… Nova felt herself flushing, a slight gasp of surprise escaping her lips as she made out the image of a very well-developed, _very_ naked turian laying across what appeared to be a silk fabric. The sound alerted the commander to her presence, and in a rare moment of embarrassment, Corona nearly threw the datapad across the table in surprise.

“Nova!” she exclaimed, a sigh quickly following as she slumped in the chair, eyebrow quirked strangely. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to sneak up on a soldier like that, lieutenant…?”

“I-I’m so sorry, ma’am! I-I didn’t mean, um… I-I was just… y-you were on your d-datapad a-again, so I just… w-was curious, I-I’m so sorry..”

Corona sighed again, running a hand through her hair before letting out a soft laugh, her usual smile returning to her face as she reached over to take the datapad in hand again. Nova flushed deeper upon seeing the displayed turian once more, thankful when the commander closed out of whatever the application was. Her flustered state was apparently taken note of, however.

“Heh, like what you saw, lieutenant?”

“I-I.. n-no ma’am, er.. w-well, I mean.. y-yes, but..”

Corona laughed freely now, motioning for Nova to sit. She did so after a moment’s hesitation, feeling her ears burning in embarrassment. The older woman set aside the now-cleared datapad, swivelling her chair slightly in order to better face Nova. The blonde cleared her throat uncomfortably, struggling to meet the commander’s gaze.

“If you’re curious, lieutenant, that was a recent issue of Fornax.”

“.. F-Fornax, ma’am?”

“Don’t know what it is? Ah well, not too surprising. If you don’t mind me saying, Nova, you don’t seem the, er… the _type_ to read this kind of thing. Fornax is basically a porn magazine. Primarily alien porn.”

“... O-Oh… I.. I see..” Nova didn’t think it was possible for her face to get any redder, but lo and behold it heated up even more, the flush spreading down her neck now. “W-Why were you… l-looking at that here, ma’am?”

“I picked the table at the _far_ end of the mess hall for a reason, lieutenant. And for most people, they at least call out to me before approaching…” Corona gave her an exaggerated side-eye, though Nova could easily tell there was no true irritation in the look. Even so, she tipped her head slightly in apology. “Besides, I was a little bored waiting, and this issue only came out a few days ago. Hadn’t gotten a chance to sit down and look through it. But moving on from my little... mistake, I take it you like turians, lieutenant?”

“I… I-I haven’t m-met many, but I, um.. g-get along well with the species..?”

“You know what I mean, Nova. _Like_ like. Preferably with less clothes on.” The commander’s smirk was unexpected, reminiscent of the ones Tanya used to always give her back in class. Nova realized just how far away those days seemed now.

“I… y-yes, ma’am. I-I mean, m-maybe not exactly like _that_ , but.. y-yes, I, um… find them attractive.”

“No need to sound ashamed, lieutenant. We all have our preferences, and you don’t need to feel awkward about it. Besides, I admit I find them sexy too. It’s why most of my Fornax copies are the turian editions,” Corona said with a wink. It was odd to be learning something so... _private_ about the commander’s life. She expected this sort of awkward discussion with one of the lower ranked crewmembers, Julia or even many of the enlisted girls who worked various odd jobs around the ship - but certainly not her commanding officer.

Despite the strangeness of the situation, however, Nova felt almost… relieved. She had never been outright made fun of by her peers for the preference she carried for turian men, but there had always been those anxiety-inducing moments of “wait, you’re _really_ into them?” that she had always felt ashamed about. It had always felt like something was wrong with her, for not finding her own species attractive and instead looking towards another. None of her friends had ever known just how she’d felt about the exclamations of surprise, and she’d prefered it that way, finding it easier to just go along with the odd joke here and there, the goodnatured teasing from the other girls in her class.

Finding someone who met her reveal of such information with not shock or confusion, but just… acceptance - _normalcy_ \- was almost overwhelming. And it shocked her to the point she couldn’t think of anything to say for a moment, eyes lowering to her hands clenched in her lap.

“You feeling okay, lieutenant? Ah, sorry… I guess this is a little strange to talk about with your CO, huh?”

“O-Oh… n-no, it’s just… Well, it is, a little bit.. But I don’t mind it, ma’am. It’s… sort of nice to meet someone else who, um.. understands, I guess?”

Corona smiled and leaned on the table, lazily tapping at the datapad and navigating through a few menus before finally seeming to come upon whatever it was she was looking for. She enlarged an image with a quick flick of her fingers, sliding the device closer. Nova peeked at it, eyes fixing on a rather attractive turian with a dark brown hide and purple colony markings, who seemed to be standing in an overly-dramatized pose with an assault rifle resting against his shoulder. His mandibles were quirked in that strange smile typical of most of the species, and Nova was captured by the intensity of his gaze before finally lifting her eyes back to the other woman, tilting her head in a questioning manner.

“He was my first. Sexual partner, I mean… and well, I guess you could have considered him my boyfriend for a while, too.” Corona had a fond look in her eye, the barest hint of a smile as she stared down at the picture. “Met him back on Earth, he and his sister were being tourists for her birthday or something, I don’t remember the details much. We hit it off in a bar, one thing led to another and well… let’s just say I woke up the next morning in his apartment. He didn’t stick around to cuddle in bed, of course, but I was a street punk so I didn’t care so much. He did offer to buy me breakfast somewhere in town, though.”

“What happened to him?”

Corona shrugged, still with a smile on her face as she leaned back in her chair. “The usual. He extended his stay past what they’d planned, we spent a few days together doing stupid stuff. He wanted to experience Earth and I made it a habit to show him all of the stuff you don’t see on the typical tourist route. He repaid me for my trouble with dinners, a movie this one time, and of course plenty of sex.

“Avitus was a good kid. Probably would have offered to take care of me if he knew how I was living from day to day, but I couldn’t take that thought. Never liked relying on others all that much. Still don’t, honestly… I just know better now, and know sometimes it’s good to do so. Anyway, Avitus tried to keep the relationship going after he left Earth, but we both found out pretty quick that without the sex, there weren’t any real feelings involved beyond enjoying each other’s company. We talked it out, decided we worked better as friends.”

“I… I-I see..” Nova couldn’t help thinking on her current relationship with Saren. The situations were similar, though she knew the reason for it being just friendship with the Spectre was due to his dislike of her species.. and the measure of regret he must have felt after that night. Nova still blamed herself for causing him distress.

“I still keep in contact with him, from time to time. Hard to maintain non-Alliance friendships while out on duty like this, though. He’s getting married this year, to an asari.”

“Y-Yeah.. I-I mean, about maintaining contact with people, that is…. Do you feel sad at all about him, um.. marrying?” She wondered how she’d feel if Saren ever tried to settle down with someone. Thinking about the possibility made her chest ache painfully.

“Nah, Avitus and I had our fun. Was about time he found a nice wife and settled down, and I think Shilira will take good care of him. I just wish I could make it to their wedding, heh.” Corona took the datapad back, closing out the picture and setting it aside once more. She lifted her gaze back to Nova for a moment, smiling reassuringly, before her eyes darted away to focus on the mess sergeant. “Hey Jensen, bring us some food, we’re starving over here!”

“You’ve been starving for the past fifteen minutes, Commander, you can hold on for a little longer while I get some of this slop made! With all due respect, ma’am!” the man shot back, tone sounding irritated but the grin on his face proving otherwise.

*****

“Oh right, I asked you up here for a reason,” Corona said later on, just as the two of them were finishing up a surprisingly good meal. It wouldn’t win any awards at a restaurant, but Nova was thankful the food aboard a starship was more palatable than the stuff she’d had to force into her mouth during training. She had been idly stirring the last bit of gravy before the commander spoke, and now looked up with a questioning expression.

Corona set down her own utensils, grabbing the datapad from where she’d shoved it aside after the story about Avitus. As Nova looked on, the woman fiddled with it for a moment before finally handing it over with a nod. She took it carefully, setting down her gravy-covered spoon and leaning back in the chair as she read what looked to be her own dossier. General information about her was laid out in a crisp, formal descending format, listing mundane things such as her height, weight, hair and eye color, on and on for a good chunk of the screen space before she finally hit the lineage section. She lifted her gaze back to the commander.

“What is this, ma’am?”

“It’s your updated file, lieutenant. When you finish basic and move into the Alliance in full, your file gets sent off to HQ for security clearance investigation. That’s basically just them checking your profile and any connections, like friends and family, who can give an accurate assessment of your mental state as well as alert the Alliance about any bad habits or tendencies. Need-to-know information, for whether you’re trustworthy and how high the likelihood is of you spilling secrets, the usual stuff. Yours finally came back, with relevant updates made to your file in order to let me, as your commanding officer, know what clearance you’re authorized for.” Corona took a quick bite of the roll that had remained untouched on her plate until now. She grimaced, a swift lowering of the corners of her mouth before it disappeared and she once more set the bread aside. “These things still taste like cardboard… Anyway, you’re cleared for everything up to top secret stuff.”

“O-Oh, that’s good. Was this all you wanted to talk to me about, commander?”

“Almost. Read over your family tree listing, Nova.”

Nova cocked her head to the side, confused, but did as instructed and slowly scrolled along the listing. It started out with her grandparents - names she didn’t really recognize, the only connection to them being the surname of Shepard. Below that, the children of those unknown grandparents were listed, and this time she did recognize her father’s name along with two others she didn’t - an aunt and uncle she wasn’t aware of until now. She felt her heartbeat quicken for a moment at the thought of them being out there somewhere, but soon recalled how they had found no immediate next of kin to take care of her after she was turned over to the Alliance as a child. The disappointment was expected, and she gave it little thought as she continued down the list, seeing her mother’s name nested under her father’s to indicate marriage. Below that was her own name… and as she let her eyes move downwards to the children of her father’s siblings, a familiar name stood out to her.

_Corona Shepard_.

“... W-Wait… t-this..” Nova opened and closed her mouth for a moment, words seemingly dying at her lips before she could even process them. She felt her hands shaking, but was utterly unaware of dropping the datapad until she heard a clank as it fell against her plate. Corona rose up at that, concern etched on her features as she quickly plucked the device out of the leftover food contents and tossed it to the side, placing a hand on the table in front of her as if to try drawing Nova’s attention. Nova could only whisper, “This is a m-mistake… r-right..? Y-You…”

“Trust me, it isn’t a mistake - the Alliance has both our DNA on file as well as easy access to colonist records.. we’re cousins, Nova. I, uh… thought you would be happier.”

“I-I… I-I am, b-but I... I-I’m… I-I’m sorry, c-commander, I-I..” Nova felt the tears pouring freely, and angrily rubbed at them in embarrassment. This was ridiculous; she should be happy, not crying like a child. She _was_ happy. For ten years she had thought that her only family was gone forever, taken to the far reaches of space and more than likely dead, or as good as such. The lack of family to take her in after the slaver raid on the colony had cemented the idea in her head, made it out as the undeniable truth - that the line of Shepard would end with her. The years since Mindoir had allowed her to accept and cope with the fact she was utterly alone in the galaxy, in terms of bloodline. But now, that carefully-constructed facade was crumbling away as the reality set in on her. She raised her eyes up to the commander’s, finding those lovely, calming lavender orbs even as the rest of the woman seemed to blur in the wake of her relentless tears. She had a cousin. She had a _family_.

“If it makes you feel better, I was shocked too… here I was, thinking after my parents died that I was just… alone. On Earth. In the galaxy. I kept rereading through the family tree, even thought about calling Alliance HQ to see if there had been some mistake. I mean, Shepard isn’t the most unique name, surely there were other completely separate lineages with it?” Corona gave a smile, more subtle than Nova was used to, and with a distinct weakness to it that seemed to just make the tears come even more freely. She was barely given time to digest the commander’s words before the woman walked around the table and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “But there’s no mistake, Nova. We’re definitely related… your father was my father’s brother. You’re the only family I have left, kid.”

The wind felt as if it had been knocked out of her, and as she cried, Nova leaned back in her seat, mind blank. The revelation felt so fantastical, but she was here, physically experiencing it and seeing the evidence in front of her clear as day. It was… she could scarcely describe the feeling. Joy, mixed with hints of guilt, and a heavy dose of disbelief. She was _happy_. So very happy, despite the tears streaming down her cheeks and the way her heart was thumping against her ribcage. Nova hoped her expressions of emotion would catch up to her mindstate soon, rather than rendering her a sobbing mess in response to what was possibly the greatest news she had ever heard. As if trying to force them away, she smiled. She smiled bigger and more easily than she had in a long time. And as she did, she stood and wrapped her arms around the other woman, with only the barest whisper of, “Forgive the insubordination, ma’am.”

Corona just laughed. Laughed and accepted the hug with no further word, returning it with a strong grip one would expect of a career soldier.

Things would be alright; Nova knew that now, as her eyes finally began to dry and she simply focused on the warmth of Corona’s body. She saw out of the corner of her eye, mess sergeant Jensen hovering close by, looking more than a little concerned at the events. Nova couldn’t think to spare him a reassuring motion, though, not right now. She just wanted to exist in the moment, with no other thoughts or distractions to detract from the fact that she was with her _family_.

* * *

 

Saren felt like he’d get a headache from the constant pestering.

As he stood in the kitchen of his bare apartment, nursing a bottle of turian rum, he rubbed at his temples in annoyance as he heard the ping of yet another message from Nihlus. He almost regretted having opened the short-range chat system up, but at the time it had seemed the best idea to get answers quickly; he had been watching the clock all day, counting down the hours until it was possible to contact his human. Before he started that vidcall, he’d needed to understand a few things from someone he could trust, someone who was far more used to the types of signs and signals a human or asari would give. Nihlus was his only other friend, and someone who was much more sociable than he - as well as more active in matters of sexuality. And the man had a particularly disgusting preference for human women, something Saren had always been irritated by but was now almost grateful for.

At least he _had_ been while the other Spectre was answering his questions. Now he was back to wishing the younger turian had more respect for himself - _and_ wasn’t so damned curious.

_You aren’t planning some strange overthrowing of the human government using this information, are you?_ was the newest message. Saren snorted in irritation, completely baffled by the fantastical scenarios his former protégé was coming up with. He knew the man was still young and prone to exaggeration, but _really_. Downing another hit of the rum, he brought his omnitool closer and typed a response out.

_S: Where do you even come up with these ridiculous imaginings? I merely asked you out of curiosity._

The response was almost immediate. Nihlus must have been doing nothing other than waiting on him. Saren shook his head, disappointed in how childish the other Spectre was acting.

_N: Come now, Saren, you can’t blame me for being a little concerned about you hatching some nefarious scheme. Why else would you be coming to me asking what a human acts like when they’re interested in someone?_

_S: As I stated before: curiosity. Nothing more than that._

_N: Don’t keep trying to feed me that line, old friend. You know it isn’t going to work. Now tell me the truth: why’s the most infamous, human-hating Spectre asking how to figure out if a human woman is interested in a relationship? I promise I won’t run off to the press with the information!_

Saren’s mandibles twitched in a scowl, and he didn’t immediately respond - instead taking another long drink of the alcohol in his hand, draining it dry. Asking Nihlus was probably a mistake, as he thought on it. Surely the extranet would have had easily-accessible information on the sort of body language and speech a human would display if they were interested. But in his strange state of mind, he must have felt first-hand recounting of it from a trusted friend would be more believable than any random tidbit he read on the extranet. He shook his head, tossing the now-empty bottle of rum into the trash compactor and once again looking at the nearest clock display.

Almost time. His subvocals rumbled in anticipation, even as his mind was still stuck on what had been bothering him most of the day.

Saren had thought he was sure of Nova’s retained interest in him. After all, he was finally allowing himself to admit that he still had some measure of desire for her, even if it felt purely sexual in nature and was merely mired in a level of confusion brought on by their year-long contact. And while he knew little of human body language, much of the signs she’d shown were obvious to him in their meaning - the blushing, the stuttering, it had all seemed to indicate she wanted him as much as he wanted her. But he’d allowed himself too much time on the trip back to the Citadel to examine every interaction between them, pour over every word, every message; Saren had come to the conclusion that he didn’t truly know how deeply it ran. He’d learned quickly that the girl was shy, almost to a maddening level, and remembering the fact had made him begin questioning whether her reactions were that of a woman interested in mating, or merely a young girl not knowing how to respond to the salacious way he acted towards her. It was utterly unlike him to question himself this much, but the thoughts had bothered Saren for the past two days.

He already held a measure of guilt and utter disgust at himself for the way he’d been acting around his human. The thought that all those delightful responses of Nova’s had merely been a confused young girl being made uncomfortable, did not sit well with him. And so he’d gone to Nihlus.

_N: Are you there, Saren, or are you just taking to ignoring me now?_

Ah yes, Nihlus. Saren promised himself he’d give the younger turian a good thrashing the next time they sparred together.

_S: Even if I were ignoring you, it would be pointless. You’re annoyingly persistent._

_N: Only when I know you’re hiding something good from me!_

_S: I am hiding nothing. What are you wanting me to say, Nihlus? That I have some secret human lover I’m attempting to court? Please._

_N: Wouldn’t put it past you to have some weird hate-fetish for the species, Saren._

Saren growled, completely done with his former protégé’s idiotic behaviour. Besides that, he knew if the man kept pestering him he would spill everything just to escape from it - and he wasn’t ready to tell Nihlus about the little human pet he’d gained. Knowing how the younger Spectre was, he’d want to _meet_ her. Beyond the simple discomfort at the idea of anyone, even his best friend, knowing of the human girl he’d drunkenly taken the virginity of then remained in contact with for a year, Saren felt a slight prickle of worry that if Nova ever met Nihlus… He shook his head, annoyed with himself for even thinking such a thing. He had no reason to be jealous of the thought that she may find Nihlus attractive. The meeting was never going to happen anyway, even if he did.

He glanced at his omnitool, mind working through how best to end this irritating conversation without giving Nihlus any hints to the truth. He thought for a moment as he made his way into the bedroom and towards his desk, before calling up his omnitool once more and beginning to carefully type out a response. He had no more time or patience to waste on the younger Spectre.

_S: If you really must know, I encountered a human on one of the port stations I had to stop at on the way back to the Citadel, and she seemed to be acting strangely around me despite the fact I spoke no more than possibly two words to her. The behaviour was annoying, but I found myself curious as I thought it similar to some asari whores I’ve dealt with in the past._

_S: I may detest the species, but that does not mean I cannot be interested in learning of their habits. Better to know your enemy intimately than be taken by surprise in a crucial moment. Surely you understand that much, Nihlus._

Surprisingly, the response came after a good two minutes of silence.

_N: I still think you’re not telling me the entire truth, but I’ll believe you for now. Though I must say, Saren, you really don’t know what you’re missing. Human females aren’t that different from asari, really. And they’re even softer, in the places that matter._

_S: Fascinating, Nihlus. Truly. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get some work done while I am able._

He waited a few moments longer, satisfied when the other turian did not reply. For good measure, he shut down the short range chat. Nihlus knew him well enough to be silent when needed, but Saren didn’t want to take any chances of the Spectre contacting him while he was in the middle of a call with Nova.

With that taken care of, he turned on the monitor and took a seat at the desk, settling into the chair as the terminal booted up. From there, it took him all of five seconds to navigate to the girl’s contact information. He started up the call, letting his mind chew through the information Nihlus had provided him with while it attempted to connect on her end. Though many of Nova’s mannerisms could be attributed to attraction, as he had thought, humans apparently had similar responses to a number of differing stimuli - blushing, for instance, could be anything from arousal to shame. The more simple things such as that and stuttering had remained inconclusive in his mind as to what exactly it meant for his particular human. He needed to watch for the more obvious signs Nihlus had mentioned.

He was shaken from his thoughts as the screen turned to static for a moment, finally dispersing on the scene of Nova smiling and attempting to settle back against her headboard. Just seeing her looking so… _happy_ had his mind blanking for a moment. He felt his mandibles quirking in an awkward return of it, before he cleared his throat and greeted her with a simple, “Nova. You look to be in good spirits tonight.”

“I was hoping t-to talk to you soon, actually… and I am, I guess. I, um… found out some really good news a few days ago.”

“Oh? And what might that news be?”

She didn’t respond immediately, instead shifting slightly as she tried to get comfortable, her gaze dropping away from his. She looked to be in deep contemplation for a moment, drawing her legs close to her body as she wrapped her arms around them and rested her chin on her knees. It was a state he rarely saw her in, almost utterly unlike her in how… mature it was. He wasn’t too fond of the silence that accompanied her thoughts, however. But soon enough her smile reappeared, expression returning to that of the shy little human he was so used to.

“I… um.. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned anything about my family, have I?”

She hadn’t needed to, even if she was unaware of the fact. He remembered Mindoir, remembered her asking in that small voice where her parents were. Saren could easily recall every detail of that night now, after having dwelled on it for so long, including the way sobs had wracked her tiny body as he had coldly told her of how her parents were gone. He had never spoken to her of the fact, instead keeping his knowledge of that nightmarish event quiet, refusing to mention his involvement in her rescue. He didn’t know why he’d decided to keep that part of their history a secret from her, but he had. And for both a knowledge of Mindoir as well as a lack of interest in learning more about her beyond what she was willing to share with him, he’d never inquired about her background. It only seemed fair, after all - she never asked him about his own family, and he never deigned to speak of them to her. Saren had thought it for the best, a way to keep their relationship strictly that of… friends, he supposed. It was easier to keep a certain distance from one another with the lack of information.

They weren’t lovers, after all. He had no reason to know of her past beyond what he was already aware of, and she had no reason to inquire about his own.

“...No, I don’t believe you have. I simply inferred from your brief mentionings of a guardian that your parents were... deceased, or missing.” He spoke more slowly than usual, almost unconsciously so. Had she been in one of her more attentive moods, perhaps she would have noticed it more easily. As it was, however, Nova didn’t seem to realize the change in his usual way of speaking as she lowered her gaze further, seemingly avoiding his eyes for some unusual reason. He didn’t like that.

“They were. They _are_ … dead, I mean. As is most of my close family. My, um.. m-my father’s brother and sister are both dead, and I guess their spouses are too. I didn’t have any brothers or sisters of my own, either.” Nothing he didn’t already know, really. Saren watched carefully as she shifted again, her shoulders seeming to sag in defeat at the words. “You see, when I was a child.. w-well, something… happened. An accident, um… a-and it.. took my parents out of this world.”

“...You have my condolences, Nova. For what little they’re worth..” he said quietly, more than a little put off by her omission of facts. But Saren chastised himself for it, reminding himself that what had happened to her was traumatic, something no sane person would ever want to recall even in words. It was his own fault for being fully aware of the events on Mindoir, for having snooped into her file without her knowledge, just to sate his curiosity. He couldn’t rightly blame her for wanting to avoid mention of what truly happened that night, especially with how much she had probably blocked out due to the trauma.

“Thank you, Saren… b-but it’s okay. I’ve had ten years to cope with what happened, so I’m… I’ve been able to move on from it.”

Ten years to cope, but ten years to also relive that nightmare at even the briefest mention of batarians or slavers. Those were Saren’s thoughts as he watched his human dip her head slightly before finally raising her gaze back towards him. She gave him a smile, weak and vulnerable - a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Anyway, I… I’ve lived my life thinking I had no family left in the galaxy… no blood relations, at least. With my parents and close family all deceased or missing, and no real knowledge of any extended family from my grandparents or great-grandparent’s sides, it just… seemed like that was the only truth of the matter. And I guess I thought I was… f-fine with that? But..”

“... Speak freely to me, Nova,” he urged as she fell silent once more. This time she did smile with her eyes, the perfect emerald depths of them seeming to shine with it as she looked at him. He exhaled quietly through his nostrils, his own gaze searching over every inch of her face, taking in every idle motion, every unconscious twitch of her eyelids or lips. It was not unlike the time she had stared so deeply at him, that night a year back as he’d had her pinned beneath him.

“I, um… found out recently that I… I still have a family member, alive. You r-remember my commanding officer? I, uh, mentioned her a… a-a few times..”

“I do, yes.”

“Y-Yeah, well, she wanted to talk a few days ago, to let me know about my security clearance coming back and.. a-and also showed me an updated family tree.” Nova took in a deep breath, her lips tugging into a full, beautiful smile now. It seemed to radiate out like solar waves, spreading to her entire face and lighting her very skin from beneath. It briefly caught Saren off guard, and he found he could do little but stare openly at her in awe.   
  
Her voice rang out clear to him as she continued, “Saren… she’s my cousin. She’s my _family_.”


End file.
